My emotions are crazy right now.
All of the nine million things I have felt over the past nine days are catching up with me. The exahustion, the fear, the sadness, the crazyness, the happiness, and a billion other things are all catching up with me. So many major things have happened and I have not really dealt with them. I have compatmentalized them and not dealtwith them because I had to not be an emotional wreck. I think I did...
Aww, my poor mom
She managed to tell me she was thirsty. They can’t give her anything because she still has the breathing tube. It’s breaking my heart.
My mom is doing so good.
She’s completely awake and alert now. She still can’t talk because of the venillator but she is trying to. I feel so bad because I don’t understand her. But I’m so proud of how well she is doing. She has made amazing progress.
I am the definition of a crazy, stalker girl. Like now.
Regina Spektor on Conan.
Perfect. My favorite singer on my favorite late nighter.
Things I have accomplished lately
Ending a negative, almost relationship Reestablishing a relationship with an old friend Being more social Remaining fairly calm in a stressful situation Knowing who I am, at least more than before
Mitch came to stay at the hospital with me tonight. He’s such a great friend. In order to get me out of the hospital, we decided to go to the mall. I don’t really feel like shopping, so I’m sitting on a couch. A guy here with his girlfriend sat down beside me and I had one of the most awkward conversations of my life.
My mom is waking up!
She responds to commands, my voice, and makes eye contact. I’m so excited.
Someone sent my mom flowers.
They are really pretty, but there is no name on the card. I have no idea who sent them. She’s not allowed to have flowers in sicu, so I’m claiming them.
My aunt brought me some more clothes today.
Which means I am wearing a pair of the ugliest pants in history. Seriously. They are disgusting. But at least they are clean. I’m thankful, even though the very style counscious part of me is protesting.
Does everyone have a person they just can't stay...
Screw male nurses.
I have something that is making me much happier than anything else could… with the exception of my mom waking up and being better.
Her: stop being moral
Me: I have tried, it never works
Her: funny. works for me all the time
Me: Does it really?
Or do you just overcome it?
Her: hmm i'm not really sure i guess
i think i'm just ultimately extremely hedonistic
Me: I have the urge to be... but in reality it doesnt work for me.
Eventually, my morals and emotions become an issue
Her: thats probably a good thing
i mean, i've homewrecked at least half a dozen times lol
Me: Maybe, but you have more fun
Know what sucks even more?
Finding out married male nurse also has a baby. This is a FML life moment if I have ever had one.
Know what sucks?
Facebook stalking a male nurse only to discover he is married. Fail.
I have to go back to school in a week and a day
I don’t know what I will do if mom is still in SICU. I need to go home and pack, but I hate the idea of her being here without me.
Being a girl sucks.
More than tomorrow will even.
Just to establish the fact I'm an awful person
I have totally been making myself pretty whenever I go see my mom for the first time in visiting hours just in case it’s the pretty nurse boy. He probably won’t be there for a while, and hopefully she won’t be here much longer.
Bad idea of the day
Wearing underwear with ruffles on the butt with a pair of jeans that tend to fall down a bit. A couple of old men just saw my line green, see-through undies with bright pink ruffles. Awesome.
I can see my future
It consists of me being married to a totally adorable doctor. Okay, maybe that’s wishful thinking. But it would be nice. Seriously though, I’m totally possibly into nurse boy that was from my hometown. But I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. Plus, is it appropriate to flirt with a man that is caring for your sick mom?
My mom is breathing on her own!
She is still on the ventilator because she needs help breathing well but she’s doing it. I feel like a proud parent. Honestly though, I’m terrified something is going to happen to make her worse. It seems like every time she takes a step forward, she takes a bigger one back. I’m trying to be optimistic though.
So not everything about staying at Vanderbilt is...
There is a cute sitting area outside. I go and watch everyone and occassionally write. The only negative is there are lots of birds because people eat there. They are CRAZY birds. One of the birds though is always a little out of the group. Looking at it closer, I realized it only has one leg. Now, anytime I have fries, I share with that bird. I kind of love it.
My mom took a step back late last night.
She has a lot of fluid in her lungs and was strugguling to breath. They had to turn her oxygen up all the way. She’s definitely not coming off the venilator anytime soon. She also got pnumonia, however you spell that. I’m so worried about her. I’m ready for her to be awake and breathing on her on. Seriously, I never realized how much I need her until I almost lost her.
By the way,
My mom had an ulcer that busted causing her to become septic. She had stomach acid and intestinal contents pouring out into her body. Obviously, not good. There was damage to her other organs but they don’t think it is anything that will cause long term damage.
This is the happiest I've been in days.
Mom is more stable but she is still not awake or breathing on her own. I’m optimistic though. I have learned a lot about the medical field. The nurse that was with her in SICU tonight is originally from my hometown. We went to the same church for a while even. He’s nice. He also told me how to get internet which made me want hug him. Or something. I can read all of mom’s...
Fuck this stupid fucking hospital.
They were wrong and it just got way more serious. I don’t know how to deal with this.
So, my mom’s liver is not filtering anything. That means all the morphine they have pumped into her is just kind of hanging out. She is so disorented and she is just kind of twitching from pain. They are now possibly moving her to Centennial in Nashvile. I’m sick of hospitals.
Has a tear in her liver and it’s leaking fluid. They are moving her to Cookville tomorrow to see a specialist. She’s ok though.
I’m tired of sitting here and not knowing anything.
Ugh the people at white county hospital suck.
Seriously. It’s been an hour and there are only like five other people here but they just now did blood work and an x-ray.
Ha. This is cheering me up. →
My mom is in the hospital.
I was such a bitch to her this morning. I feel awful. I don’t know what’s wrong. I just want her to be okay.
I just lost the game.
(and so did you)
Twilight Tattoo Gallery →
doodleology: cassiesspot: fuckyeahtwilight: cherrylolita: asleepyhead: THAT IS ALL. MIKE. Look at these and be embarrassed for these people. This is worse than naming your child Gimli. this makes me cry inside.
I have so much crap.
My mom is moving into a smaller apartment and so I need to reduce my room full of stuff into 2 boxes. It’s so much harder than I ever imagined it would be.
I went to bed five hours ago, why am I awake?
side note: I’m totally stealing Ariel’s kitten. She has three more… she wont ever realize it.
I’m going to be celibate forever. I’ll turn into a crazy cat lady… it will be fine.
Kim gave me a tarot card reading.
It basically said my RA job will be cool, and I need to get laid. Last part, so true.
Oh god, I'm gonna miss this.
And by this, I mean drunken nights with Ariel and Kim. I adore both of them. Really, I do. I miss school like crazy. But this is the one thin that from home I am going to miss. By the way, I am curently very tipsy as a result of grapegasms. I can’t remember what alls in it right now, but its sooooooooooo yummmy!
Sitting in a coffee shop makes me realize
I love hipsters in theory, but I don’t actually like them.
Harry Potter is tonight.
I’m so fucking excited. I seriously have waited all summer for this. Yeah, I’m a dork.
Oh god, Bruno is so funny. My sides hurt from laughing.
Was surprisingly good. Not amazing but worth the two hours I spent watching.
I am disappointed in you. Words can’t express how much. You used to be so entertaining and amusing. Not so much anymore. You have replaced your funny people like Frangry, Michael Ian Black, and so many others with people like Julia Allison. I have refrained from bashing JA on tumblr because it seemed pointless but she’s not funny enough to be on an actual show. You no longer have...
Mitch and I decided to rent a scary movie.
We got The Uninvited. We tried to get Quarantine but redbox didn’t want us to. Stupid redbox.
We are making a cake and a moth flew into the batter. Ick