On the bright side, I got loads of free shit today. Conference guests buy all kinds of things while they are here and then realize they can’t take it with them. Things like food, pots and pans, cleaning supplies, and tupperware. All of which I needed so yay!
I just got back to Knoxville like four days ago, and all ready I am ready to leave again. This place doesn’t make me feel the way that it used to.
That sounds sappy, and like I am unhappy. I’m not. I’m just tired of Tennessee. I want to go places I have never been before and this is the first time that I am really realizing I can go wherever I want. There is nothing (with the exception of school and money) keeping me tied to one place.
Anyway, the point was I think I maybe want to go to Chicago over fall break (which is ages away, but the only time I can think of that I will have a long weekend that I don’t have to work).
Is it bad that I sometimes consider pretending to be christian just for the connections?
I know that sounds beyond terrible, but I believe all the nice parts of Christianity… like loving people and not judging and forgiveness. It’s just the condemning to hell, giant man in the sky controlling everything parts that I have trouble with.
Keep in mind that I live in the south and EVERYONE loves Jesus. It would just be so much easier to befriend people if I did too.
Pretty interesting article in the WSJ today. Basically says that language profoundly influences how we see the world. Some examples:
Russian speakers who have more words for light and dark blues are better able to visually discriminate shades of blue.
An aboriginal community in Australia doesn’t use terms like “left” and “right”, and instead uses north, south, east and west for directions. As a result they have greater spatial orientation.
People who speak languages that drop the agent of causality, for example “the vase broke itself” versus “John broke the vase,” don’t often associate blame for events.
One group who uses the words “few” and “many” in favor of actual number words have difficulty keeping track of exact quantities.
English speakers see time on a horizontal plane, with the best years ahead and the past behind us. Whereas Mandarin speakers see new events emerging like a spring of water, with the past above and the future below.
Here’s a bit more on the research. Pretty interesting!
I find it odd when strangers notice things about me.
I sometimes forget that I am not invisible. (I don’t mean that in an emo way at all, swear)
On my plane from LA to Dallas, a man sat in front of me. He kind of looked like someone that might be a biker, but really friendly. I smiled at him as he was taking his seat. I always smile at people on planes, that way, just in case they are thinking of blowing it up, they might at least feel bad about it first.
Anyways, flight happens, I sleep a little, but not much. Mostly I listen to the man and this girl beside him have a conversation.
Landing in Dallas, I head to my next gate. The man I smiled at on the plane sees me. I smile again. He laughs and then says, “You’re real quiet. You didn’t say anything on the plane, but you were just watching everything.” I just mumbled something about how I was tired, and I am just kind of observant by nature.
This random man just kind of completely caught me off guard. I rarely have people pointing out the fact that they observed me observing other people. It made me feel oddly vulnerable, like my secret was out.
This probably sounds insane but at 5am in a strange place it was totally logical.
I was looking for someone that I used to know on fb. I didn’t find them. However, I was getting all reminiscent about things in the past so I started looking through old pictures.
Seeing my weight fluctuate so much over the past two years was not a good thing to see. Not at all.
I have this thing called poly-cystic ovarian syndrome that I don’t like to talk about (it involves a lot of period related details). It causes me to gain weight so much easier than other people. Before I found out about it, I didn’t really know why I was eating the same as everyone else around me and gaining so much weight. Then I figured it out, I was controlling it (with meds and new eating habits) and I was losing weight. Then college happens and bye-bye insurance and bye-bye meds. But still, I controlled my weight.
Then my mom got sick, and I lived off of McDonald’s dollar menu for three weeks. I discovered I am a total emotional eater. I gained all the weight I had lost back, and then some.
I hate that I have gained so much weight. I don’t know that it’s that noticeable to people that see me regularly. But I can tell with the way things fit (or don’t). I want the body that I liked (or at least, was starting to like) back.
Despite this whole rant about my weight, I am actually ok with my body sometimes. Of course there are days I hate my thighs and wish my butt popped out more and want my hips to dissappear. But in general, I am pretty damn comfortable in my own skin. I just want to feel the way I used to again.
My life has changed so much over the past year that I can’t even wrap my head around it. My mom got really sick for the first time on July 21, 2009. It doesn’t feel like it’s been a year.
Since then, so much has happened, and so much has changed.
I realized that I can deal with people hurting me and disappointing me repeatedly, but when they do it to someone I love, that’s not ok. I realized that I don’t want to deal with it though, and I won’t. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned that I am ok by myself, and while I do want my entire family in my life, the stress and pain that they caused just isn’t worth it. I can pick who my family is.
I met a boy who helped take my mind off horrible things, even for just a little while. Someone that I could tell everything to, someone that I fell in love with. I flew to California all by myself… There were so many firsts as a result of him.
I discovered that sometimes people aren’t supposed to be friends forever. Some people play a certain role in your life. You learn from them and then you let them go. People change.
I got a job and a paycheck. I paid taxes. I felt like an adult.
I spent a ridiculous amount of money on nothing which lead to the realization that I need to live by a budget.
I signed a verizon contract on my own. That might not seem like a big deal, but it was scary. I am solely responsible for making sure that a bill gets paid, every month, on time.
Most of the things that have changed can’t really be written down. I realize a little bit more now than I did before that I am a strong person. Yes, I break down and freak out sometimes, but that’s really ok. I’m neurotic and stubborn and childish (in what I consider to be a very good way). My life is different than it was a year ago and because of that I have finally learned to accept the fact that nothing always stays the same.
The guy that wrote the review took a lot of crap in the comments, but I really agree with the fact that this phone just sucks. Many of the comments are from people saying that it is the best phone ever, so the only thing I can come up with, is that at best, the phone is highly unreliable. My phone lags like crazy when trying to do the simplest things (making a call, texting, etc.). The call quality is just ok. I never really attached that to the phone before but there are tons of times that I am asked to repeat myself even though I was being easily heard minutes before and nothing has really changed. I get so frustrated by the slow responses that I haven’t even bothered to customize any of the screens. None of the HTC widgets function at all, including the calendar and clock. I can’t even sync my phone now because an error message comes up.
My phone was really great for about a month and then, very suddenly, it just decided to suck. It randomly opens apps now, even when I am no where near the phone. My phone is obviously defective, and I intend to go to verizon and get it fixed. Regardless, I could never recommend this phone to anyone. Even if it went back to being like it was before, I would still hate it.