D. and I are going to be looking for a new apartment over spring break. He needs to be closer to work and we are going to need a little more space once I move in this summer. We’ve looked online over the past weeks and found quite a few places that seem interesting, places ranging from downtown LA to Long Beach. We have a list of places. I make lists on paper. It’s what I do. I’m a list person. The boy likes excel (and when I say likes, I mean loooves). So, he used the watered down version of my paper list (containing names, numbers, and websites of the places we plan to look at in an e-mail), and made an excel sheet. Only at the end of his excel sheet he added on a place that I had forgot about in my list. My list was organized based on distance and having this new place at the bottom of the excel sheet totally messed up my organizational system and was making me a little anxious. I don’t really know how to use excel so I just started bombarding him with questions about being able to rearrange them, and told him that i need him to move the last one up five spots. He did it without question. It’s little things like his unquestioning agreement to do some small thing I ask for seemingly no reason that make me love him.
I don’t like people to go out of their way for me when I am sick. I just want them to be there, to be present. I can’t really explain it. I just kind of want to lay on a couch in a crowded living room and listen to people talk all around me.
I’m awake, and I keep wondering if I ever went to sleep at all.
My decision to not hardcore study for my Shakespeare midterm is one that I am regretting immensely at the moment. My brain is not functioning well enough to be able to make up the meaning behind words that I don’t even comprehend. At least my paper meets the length requirement.
Today, I am tired of college. Today, I am tired of late night arguments that don’t amount to much beside overly emotional girls.
I like to plan my future out. I research things and write things down. I am a completely disorganized person but I love lists and plans. I even feel the need to plan fun activities. I am not a spontaneous person. I get nervous when I don’t know exactly what is going on in my life. Right now, my summer plans are pretty concrete. I am staying in LA. Beyond that, I don’t know. I don’t know if I am returning to UT. I don’t know what I will be doing to earn money. I don’t know where I will be living. I don’t know what will fill my days. That makes me nervous and I don’t like it.
It would be so much easier if I could just decide what to do, but I really have no idea. I’m indecisive. My indecisiveness and my need to plan out every little thing do not mix well together. I’m hoping to have a better idea of what I am doing soon.
I totally brought it on myself this time. I should be exhausted… I had a really full day of doing things on very little sleep. But I pushed myself to stay up when I got super tired tonight (around 8ish). Once I got past the tired, it was super hyper sleep deprived mode. But still, by now I should, by all sane standards, be dead asleep. Instead, I let myself get all stupidly emotional which led to me doing way to much thinking which ends with me lying awake in bed with no chance in hell of getting a full night of sleep.
I admit that I am not in love with how commercial valentine’s day is but there is never anything wrong with stopping to take a moment to tell the people that you care about that you love them.
I love the pink hearts and celebrations of love that happen everywhere.
D bought me a very pretty ring and sent me roses and chocolate. The ring is gorgeous and perfect, as are the flowers. But it almost makes uncomfortable knowing that someone spent that much money on me for this silly holiday. I know he did it because he loves me though, and that is what makes it ok.
I love my boyfriend so much. Even if he does turn me into a completely stereotypical girl… I love it.
I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately but that’s not really anything new. I am falling asleep just fine but wake up so many times during the night that it is almost pointless. When I manage to dream, it’s always a dream that leaves me feeling uncomfortable.
I don’t like Sunday. There is too much to get done and there is just something about Sundays that is always sad. I really wish that I could just go to sleep now, but that would be pathetic. Plus, I know I would wake up in a couple of hours and be up all night. Staying up all night isn’t a good idea before a day full of classes.
Occasionally, something happens that makes me fall back in love with college.
This time, it is my rhetoric class. Today so many people bitched at the professor about how they aren’t doing well and about how it’s hard. It is hard. The concepts are difficult, she doesn’t put up a power point, she doesn’t teach the test. But I freaking love all of that. We are actually learning these big concepts and for the first time in a long time I actually feel like I am learning something. It is intense though. I’m glad I am only taking 12 hours right now.