My forehead is peeling and feels disgusting. My whole body is sore for different reasons. I slept like crap last night. I miss my friends. My kitten has decided his poop is a toy. The internet decided to stop working while I was doing something important.
“Atheists have far better sex lives than religious people who are plagued with guilt during intercourse and for weeks afterwards, researchers have found…. Strict religions such as Mormons ranked highest on the scale of sexual guilt. Their average score was 8.19 out of 10. They were followed closely behind by Jehovah’s Witness, Pentecostal, Seventh Day Adventist, and Baptist. Catholics rated their levels of sexual guilt at 6.34 while Lutherans came slightly lower at 5.88 . In contrast, atheists and agnostics ranked at 4.71 and 4.81 respectively.”—Atheists Do It Guilt-Free | The Awl (via peterwknox)
Seriously, I know this isn’t the end of the world or anything, but right now it kind of feels like it.
Today was pretty perfect. Then we started packing up for tomorrow, talking about shipping things out to LA, and I decided to check my itinerary for tomorrow’s flight, which apparently was actually a flight for last month.
This is the flight that is supposed to move me to California.
I’m uncomfortable flying at the best of times, and right now, I am just plain scared. I’m nervous about moving, about starting this new life. As much as I don’t want to admit it, my stupid mistake feels like a sign from god to just not do this. And I don’t even believe in signs from god.
I don’t know what to do. So, I’m going to sit on the couch and pout some more.
I left school and am spending the week with my family and D’s family.
We were at my aunt’s earlier in the week, which I loved but he barely tolerated. My family is a little crude and a lot insane. They smoke a lot, which bothers the boyfriend but I am pretty used to it at this point.
Right now, we are with D’s dad, step-mom, and younger sister. His younger sister is seven and a little jealous of the time he devotes to me I think. I understand. I would be jealous if he was giving some other girl attention too. His step-mom means well but has some seriously crazy opinions sometimes. His dad is so much like him that it makes me feel like I am looking at my future sometimes.
We are doing a lot of random stuff tomorrow, and staying the night at his mom’s place in Nashville. Our flight is on Saturday.
Saturday, I will have officially moved to California. Crazy.
I'm oddly accepting of the fact that I might be making the wrong decision.
You can love someone but have such different expectations that things don’t work out.
I am completely in love with my boyfriend and I would love to spend forever with him, but I also am completely in love with myself and will not stay in a relationship that is not equally beneficial ever again.
She’s seriously pretty. And right now, she is telling me about how she doesn’t want to see her mom because her mom always tells her she needs to lose weight. I don’t even understand that. Girl is clearly at a very healthy weight for her and her body, but she seems to have some major issues with it because of her mom.
Some seriously awesome advice and support from someone I adore
1. Even though you are moving across the country, you aren’t trapped there. You can always come back if things don’t work out and as for finances you still have a lot of options available to you, so don’t be burning any bridges X-) (they’re kinda hard to repair, been there, done that, got the T-Shirt)
2. Give the relationship a fighting chance and be sure dude knows compromise is a 2-way street. But please, please PLEASE, I’m begging you, find the strength to take a step back every so often (maybe at 2 month intervals) and honestly (seriously, pretend you are an outsider observer) evaluate how the relationship is working out. Ask yourself questions like: Does the good really outweigh the bad or am I just dwelling on a few happy memories and convincing myself that they do? If I were more financially independent (I understand, he’s gotta support you for a bit, you’re gonna be unemployed after all), would the power in the relationship shift? Stuff like that. (For fuck sake girl you were an English major X-D, critical analysis is yo’ thang) Btw, here is a link to Maya Angelou’s What Every Woman Should Know
3. Don’t be afraid of the relationship failing, fear of failure could keep you stuck in the relationship way past it’s expiration date. Also, that fear can lead to feelings of desperation and clinginess and those emotions will jerk you around. In a way, all relationships are doomed to failure, best case scenario, one of you dies of old age.
4. Remember, co-dependency is more harmful to a relationship than helpful. The best relationships are the ones where couples find a balance between their together time and their alone time. Spend time with your boyfriend but also find your own life, make your own friends, find a hobby or a group. Your alone time will give you opportunities for conversation as well as a chance to vent any minor frustrations
Well, I think that’s enough wisdom right now , after all you are a grown ass woman. Besides, you’re still young, this is the time to be adventurous. Heck, I’m still in my adventurous stage, and yes, I’ve made quite a few mistakes (okay, dozens and dozens but who’s counting) in the process. So yeah, even if things don’t work out and you end up moving back to Knoxville or wherever, just remember, you had the guts to pack up your stuff and take a risk and hunny, I don’t know too many people who are risk takers. And remember, for better or worse, you’re still gonna have one hell of a story to tell. Here is my motto: Yeah I’ve fucked up sometimes and mostly royally, but ya know what, 60 years down the road I’m gonna have a much more interesting story to tell
I’ve attempted to write this so many times, but my words are failing me. It’s been fifteen months since my mom died. It’s still not easy without her. I still feel as if something isn’t right, and that’s because it’s not. You are not supposed to watch your mother die before you can legally drink. It’s not how things are supposed to work.
Have I ever told you how much I love my boyfriend?
It’s a ton. Seriously.
I can talk to that boy about anything. Tonight’s topics included, but were not limited to, Osama Bin Laden, the complexities of being 11, aging, The Voice (reality singing show), and margarita drunkenness.
He even sent me flowers today cause (his words) mother’s day is coming up soon.
Arguing with your boyfriend over something that you were quietly getting over before a final. Then being really confused during that final because you are apparently a dumb ass, and your idea of formal writing is saying “that is a messed up plan that Lady Macbeth wants to enact” (actual sentence from my FINAL you guys!) . Finally finishing your final by finding the non-existant brain power to get your shit together, only to walk outside where it is pouring really cold rain.