“When I’m really into a novel, I’m seeing the world differently during that time - not just for the hour or so in the day when I get to read. I’m actually walking around in a bit of a haze, spellbound by the book and looking at everything through a different prism.”—Colin Firth (via chambraytop)
D and I were chosen as finalists to win a portrait session from the fabulous Corrine Krogh. We would so love to use the portrait session as a way to have some of our life in Los Angeles present at our wedding in Tennessee. I know it’s annoying but if you could take the time to vote for us, I would so appreciate it. It only take a comment.
Seeing that we were finalists seriously made me giddy. It just totally turned this rainy day into something great.
Seriously one of the longest Mondays I can remember. It’s also one of those days that made me realize why you shouldn’t work with your partner.
In our office there is someone that D is kind of friends with. They are super friendly at work and before I never thought anything of it. But lately, I’ve had to work much closer with her. She is literally the worst person I’ve ever worked with. She’s plenty competent but she’s so rude to people with lesser titles that it makes me sick to my stomach. It’s not ok to treat people that way. The fact that other people, people I thought better of, chose to overlook her behavior saddens me.
Today was just no good. And it is making me pretty damn homesick.
I’ve been terrible about updating this blog lately. It’s not that I don’t want to post, it’s just that I haven’t had time to sort my thoughts enough to type out anything. Unless you just want to hear me wavering on weather or not I should have a wedding planner (trust me, you don’t. At this point, even I am tired of pro-con lists).
This year has been kind of huge for me and I need to put it all in words. I celebrated midnight at home on my couch cuddled up with D. We left a party to go home, and it is a decision that I am absolutely happy with. Last year, I sat on the same couch in a different apartment with a boyfriend that I had just barely gotten back together with. Then it was because I was sick, now it is because it seemed right.
This year, I turned 21. I started drinking legally, and less often. I made the decision to take time off school because it is what I wanted and what made me happy. I moved to Los Angeles for the same reasons. I got engaged. I bought two cats. I got a job. I got a promotion. I started planning a wedding.
All of a sudden, I feel like I am an adult. I live with my boyfriend (and a roommate, but she spends lots of time away, which at this point is a great thing) and my two cats. I make dinner most nights and maintain a budget. I feed both of my cats on a regular basis and clean their litter box when D doesn’t want to. It’s really weird to feel like I’m in control of my life, to feel like an actual adult sometimes.
All of these little pieces are falling into place, but there is still so much that is undecided. That’s kind of a wonderful place to be in. I’m learning to deal with the death of my mom and am starting to feel much less guilty over it. I’m forgiving the people in my family who did bad things. I’m planning a wedding, sanely most of the time. Monday through Friday, I go to work in an office. I’m comfortable with who I am 99% of the time.
That last part is the most important because it makes all of the unknowns easier to handle. Having D helps also. It’s nice to know that someone is there to catch me if I fall, but also to push me when I hesitate. I’m unsure of how we will pull off our wedding or where our jobs will end up taking us to and for how long. I still have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. All of that is ok though because it has to be.
This is the year that left me feeling like I know who I am, and that is worth all of things.